Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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