So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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