So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
