Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
