I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
