he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
