im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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