A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
