I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
