Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
