Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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