You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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