you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
