Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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