Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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