he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
