he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
