And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
