i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
