Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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