my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
