Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
