I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize