About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
