now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
