Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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