I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
