he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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