First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
