I can tuck mytits in my pants
Where is the hickey?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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