my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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