bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she peed on how many people?
So many bounce houses so little time
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
