she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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