You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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