its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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