I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just google imaged poop.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
