I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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