I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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