just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
