So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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