Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
