Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
