i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
