A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
