you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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