Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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