I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
