I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just want to make out with him forever
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
