we have pet lesbian snakes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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