exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
