We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize