just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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