my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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