He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You need Xanax blowdarts
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
