my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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