I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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