guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
