3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
