i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you inspire me to be a worse person
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I did not marry a roomba.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
