dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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