the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize