At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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