I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
