I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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