I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
