i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
