his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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