I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
