So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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