last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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