There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
