I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
