we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
