You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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