I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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