I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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