I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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