if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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