Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize