Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
