We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
