tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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