Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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