I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
