It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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