Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
