the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
