At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
