Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
