what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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