does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
