I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
