Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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