I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
