i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I would fuck him just for his dog
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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