Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
