I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
