I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
