textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
