Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
