i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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