didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
