he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
