Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i already hear my dad disowning me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
