i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
