I think I died a long time ago.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
