Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
