There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
