I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
