you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
