they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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