there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she peed on how many people?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
