No, you can still breathe under the balls.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
