Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
