you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
